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Question:
I’m a nurse by profession and am
also a member of the Than Hsiang Welfare Group. I’ve a patient
who behaved differently. He was less demanding before becoming our
welfare recipient. For example, if there should be any slight delay
in administering his 4-hourly injections, he would throw tantrums.
I’ve tried reasoning with him but my effort was in vain. If
I were to give in to his demands, others would think that I am being
partial. So, I tried distancing myself from him. As a result, his
wife began to see me in a different light. She questioned my cold
attitude towards the patient. I wonder if I have taken the correct
move at keeping a distance from this particular patient?
Answer:
The patient knew you since he was admitted,
and you being our volunteer now have caused him to be more dependent
upon you. To him, you are not only a nurse but also one who gives
him special assistance. Therefore, he would feel that you lack empathy
whenever you try to reason with him. In such cases, the intervention
of a third party would amplify matters. Your situation now is just
like a mother and child relation. The interaction between a mother
and child is based on emotion. The so-called ‘emotional link’
established between you and the patient hinders the process of logical
reasoning. It’s not effective when you try to reason with
him. Professional care givers and volunteers are often experiencing
the same scenario. Psychologically, there is a suggestion that we
should be a little “cold” – that we should be
more professional in handling patients and residents of the home.
There is a valid reason for keeping a professional distance. Psychologists
feel that there would be resultant complications if our PINs (Person
In Need) grow to be dependent upon us. I believe this is also shared
in the nursing training. Bear in mind that it is not the ultimate
method, if you are certain that it can be done, you may even build
better relationship whereby the PIN would benefit more from your
assistance. But one has to be rather cautious and certain. Hence,
mere theories would not help; we need to put them into practice.
We need to be alert and be able to assess the situation well. Keeping
distance at times may actually hinder us from rendering help and
assistance.
Observer:
Just as Shifu said, we empathize with, and not take pity on our
patients. Pity breeds emotions and is feeling-orientated. It could
lead to confusion, whereas, empathy helps us to understand the pain
of a patient undergo instead. If a patient’s physical illness
could be stabilized, he would feel better emotionally and psychologically,
too. Hence, we should consider a patient’s fundamental physical
well – being, do our best to reduce his or her physical suffering.
Shifu:
We should be empathetic in our dealings.
We need not shun inconvenience. We are to understand the sufferings
of cancer victims in order to offer assistance. Empathy may be a
psychological term, but it bears resemblance to our Buddhist teachings.
In a drug rehabilitation centre
of our Buddhist circle, it is on the basis of empathy that the founding
monk sought the assistance of a former addict. It’s not easy
for one who has never been addicted to drugs to understand the pain
of addiction. One who had successfully kicked the habit to counsel
and lead another will be more effective. Being empathic, whatever
he advises would be more plausible and convincing.
We should always bear this in
mind: Fear not of shortcomings. Just as in the Chinese proverb that
says, “Laying off Killing, A Buddha in the making”.
His painful past is the best antidote for others.
On the other hand, even if we were to meet with a seemingly incorrigible
bad-hat, there is no need to banish him as hopeless. There is always
a possibility for reform, for each of us to be educated. Do adopt
a positive attitude, offer an opportunity for growth, and give him
a helping hand in his struggle for change. He may well be the catalyst
and influx of new blood needed for our future social welfare endeavors.
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