When I first submit my name to participate in this retreat I did not know that TST Pure Land Buddhism. I took over the Buddhist organization in my place as a president when there are only less then ¼ members left. This happened when they started listen to "Ching Kong Fa Shi" Pure Land Buddhism tape. They get the idea that they need only learn to recite the Amitaba name. They do not have to listen to the Dharma talks and participete in other activities. I do not have "FA QI"(法器) group as all of them stay at home to recite on their own. Maybe this not the only reason but it is one of the cause.
I was lost on the 1st and 2nd day(Saturday and Sunday )due to lack of sleep (long journey and no rest ). However when we started to recite the Amithaba name. I suddenly feel very sad for no reason. I started to cry and could not control myself.i was able to stop when me finished the session. Later on, I found that whenever I try to concentrate they are many things inmy mind. I worry about all the responsibilities that I am having. I am thinking how to reorganise the Buddhist Society. At night, I had nightmares. I do not had nightmares when I am at home. I'm not sure it is due to my fears or my sins. I do not get when I am kooking for......maybe I am trying too hard. Maybe I'm notdoing too well. But I promise myself I will participate in this retreat in future.